


[now that you know]

by orphan_account



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Cell Phone Novel, Original work - Freeform, Other, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 06:51:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17913902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Inspired by cell phone novels, this six part story tells of a man coping with his daughter’s decision to kill several of her classmates and herself, his own past, and the distance created between him and his wife.





	[now that you know]

**Author's Note:**

> I learned what cell phone novels were a few months ago and wrote this. It’s just been sitting in my Notes for a while, so I thought I’d post it somewhere. No clue if it actually makes sense but I like it tbh

[now that you know] 

 

[part 1]

She is quiet  
Like I am not

I threw things  
As she stood silent

I thought to myself  
‘How could this not hurt her?’

Later, she didn't see me  
Her arm hit against a sharp edge

A sudden sound as if she were dying  
She muttered a quiet "Dammit" 

Sinking to her knees, she cried  
Her breakdown was almost silent

 

[Part 2]

Because I was a kid  
I thought everything was my fault

Mom should have left sooner  
But I made her promise not to go

And then she was gone  
Promise broken

It was for the best  
I hated being alone

I didn't hide it well  
Why did no one notice?

I didn't beg to God  
I just repeated it over and over again

“I'm so scared”  
“I'm so scared”

I wake up now,  
Surprisingly alive and unsurprisingly alone

 

 

[Part 3]

When I see her again, she doesn't notice  
Her world is so much bigger than me

I want to yell  
How do you act towards the one who left?

Her eyes light up   
For a second, I remember ease

It's directed towards someone else  
I decide to hurt her

"Your daughter killed all those kids right?  
How fucked up."

Eyes turn in recognition and judgement  
Yes, feel it burn

I'm gone before anyone can notice  
She was my daughter too

 

[Part 4]

What I hate the most is my ability to function   
Why can humans just move on?

She was so perfect   
I wanted to help her

I could have been better  
I should have been 

But the world is a harsh place  
The ends justified the means

She was fifteen  
Stronger and better than me

Her chest ached  
The silence between moments of happiness ate her away

Her mother's smile  
Her father's gun

Five lives taken to achieve a temporary peace  
One more for a permanent solution

To her, it must have made sense  
The ends justified the means

 

[Part 5]

“Can we talk?”  
I don't know

“This whole thing is fucked up”  
I know that much

“It wasn't our fault”  
No, I think it was mine

“I'm sorry”  
“Why?”

She's annoyed  
She turns to go

Don't make me lose you too  
Why do words die in your throat before you can even say them?

She left again  
She's gone

I knew the consequences   
Why did I ever exist in the first place?

The people beside me are whispering  
Why bother whispering if I can't hear you enough to fix my mistakes?

I am not suddenly somewhere else  
I am five years into a five minute walk when I arrive

A woman watches as I stand, staring over the edge of the building’s roof  
“That's not the exit”

 

[Part 6]

The tears came before the feeling  
Shaking hands grabbed my sleeve

“Don't be selfish”  
People walk below

Selfish, like her?  
Like them?

Born into selfishness  
I raised it as well

Everyone has a right to selfishness but me  
“I am so tired”

“And death is not sleep”  
And I do not matter

I sigh and turn back  
She seems uncertain

“Promise me”  
She speaks barely loud enough to hear

She is young  
Her eyes barely focus on the Earth around her

“Promise me you know  
That this is not an exit”

I nod  
There is no exit at all from all of this


End file.
